Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Office life looks something like this:

8:05- Walk into office, acting like I'm right on time. Head straight to break room to put away lunch, make coffee, get water.
8:08- Sit at desk, open applications, check email. Delete 95% of email because it is junk.
8:10- Try to look busy for 7 hours and 50 minutes, because I now have nothing to do unless the phone rings.
9:30- Pause from internet browsing/book reading and notice the imminent hunger that is rising from the depths of mine belly.
9:40- After procrastinating for 10 minutes, go to the break room and make some oatmeal. Go back to desk.
9:50- Oatmeal is thoroughly cooled.
10:00- Oatmeal is fully consumed.
10:10- Bathroom break
11:30- Realize that the only thing oatmeal is good for is making my blood sugar crash, therefore I am tragically hungry. Procrastinate until noon.
12:15- Forgot about noon because of an article on the internet that was semi entertaining. Finally eat lunch
1:00- *phone rings* "(Name of company that is too long but I have to say it anyway)(my name)"
"Blah blah..and thats why Im cancelling service...blah blah..you suck...bleepblurgh." *hang up*
1:15- Feel the crushing weight of time never moving forward, being forever stuck in the never ending cycle of soul crushing helplessness....
Depression
Bathroom break
Depression
Funny internet meme makes me laugh internally
Depression
3:00- Boss leaves office. I get up and pace, then do some exercise moves that get my heart rate up so that I will feel alive at least once today.
3:30- Back to the desk

Time ticks slowly by.....

4:30- .....
5: o' fuckin' clock- Peace, B*tches!

Monday, August 4, 2014

Yesterday is what I want

go with the one who can pull us out of ourselves until we are no longer sisters/ or daughters or sword swallowers but, instead,/ women who give and lead and take and want/ and want and want and want,/ because there is no shame in wanting.
-Rachel McKibbens

Yesterday was one of those really great days. The kind where you wake up to rain, after a long suffering drought. The kind where you don't have to call in to work, because it's Sunday and you already have the day off. Lucky you! It was that kind of day where lounging, pancake eating, and overall indulgence was justified. By the end of the day, there was so much to harvest from the garden, we went to visit some friends with an offering of tomatoes, eggplants, corn, basil and watermelon. They were more than thrilled. I cannot say enough for these kinds of days. The rain clouds have evaporated now, and I am sitting in my office without a view of the outside world. I will not be staying in my PJs until noon, or watching juicy Netflix shows, or doodling in my journal. I will be sitting in front of a computer screen, watching the clock tick, and realizing that life is worth more. It is worth everyday being the day you want it to be. It is worth way more than this. 

My memories are full of yesterdays. The days that were full of nature, dancing, and laughter. Those days that I worked on the farms, helping others reach their goals while mine were just being realized. I left it all behind in hopes of reaching my potential. I went through a lot to find out what that is, and I still haven't quite found it. I am still steady with some of my original goals, and one of my biggest is currently being obtained- having a child, a family, a home- as long as all continues to go well (praying deep). There is something amis, though. I have put more value on the money in my bank account than my actually happiness and well being. I have let myself become consumed by the world that I never thought I would step into. Corporate is a bitch, and it will leash you faster than you can run. Like a stray dog, I feel trapped in this cell. I know I can leave whenever I wish, but something is keeping me here. It is the fear. Knowing I am the sole financial provider for this new child of ours. Maybe dad will find a job, maybe we will figure out this home business we have been discussing since our first days of dating. But, now, all we have is the money I make. I know we can figure it out, but it's hard for me to let go. It's a power trip, this knowing I can take care of my own damn self. If I want to buy that pair of pants, I can because it's my money, dammit! But, I would give up all the things just to not have to spend one more day in this hole. 

Maybe some of you can feel me on this, maybe you think I'm being a whinny bitch. Either way, I'd love to hear from you. One day, one day...

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Well looky there

Well hello beautiful sunflower

Hello baby corn

It has been a hot and dry summer here in Southern California. I suppose that is how every summer is here in the valley. I haven't spent enough time here yet to really determine what is normal. I am used to the hot, humid, rainy summer days of Coastal Texas. This is hurricane season, ya'll! I get weird looks around here when I say things like that, as most native Californians do not realize the impact of hurricane season on one's psyche. All of that aside, though, we have been growing some really fantastic food around here. It's actually been a bit overwhelming, what with my full time job, being newly pregnant, and THE HEAT. We have so many plants to tend to out there, we mostly let them do their thing until.. uh oh, is that a boat in the garden? No, it's just a behemoth zucchini. Our okra has been known to grown twice the size of our hands, which at that point causes it to be inedible and it goes into the compost bin..which is totally neglected, by the way. We are doing our best, and sometimes that means laying in bed with all of the fans running, and watching reruns of Lost in our underwear. There are good days, though, and those usually find us painting our home, or shopping for baby supplies. I will be putting our tomatoes to use soon though, so stay tuned!

Monday, March 3, 2014

Progress

Much progress is happening in and around my life that will be having a huge effect on this blog. Hopefully this means more posts, greater exposure and readers! The winter brought the slug out of me, and my intentions to be productive flew out the window. But, it gave me the chance to give a good amount of contemplation to what I really want to be doing with this life thing I've been given. Now that Spring is poking it's pretty head through the soil, the progress is starting again. Basically, the gardens are growing and there will be a lot more pickles and jams coming to your screen soon!





I can't wait to show you more, and I can't wait for you to show up so you can see it! 

Friday, September 27, 2013

A story told

It feels like the incubation period is complete. I have cracked my shell and am now emerging as new life. This is usually the kind of thing that happens at the end of spring, when the summer sun is warming the ground and days are stretching into infinity. The time when the air chills and the nights are long, is the time I tend to retreat inward. My rhythms have been wacky this year. Perhaps it's all the moving, shifting, bending and breaking. I've started many seeds, and harvested all the fruit. It's a time for cover crops, and I'm back to preservation. Instead of spending another night in tears, I poured my heart into jars of picked okra. Three pounds of the summer fruit produced five quart sized jars. I'm looking forward to my next bloody mary :)



“When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass and splintered wood; like a house in a whirlwind, or else a boat crushed by the icebergs or swept over the rapids, and all aboard powerless to stop it. It's only afterwards that it becomes anything like a story at all. When you are telling it, to yourself or to someone else.”- Margaret Atwood

And that is why we write.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Being born

Since recently paying tribute to mothers, and being surrounded by so much new life and growth, I realize that being born is very special as well. So, here's to life; new, old, and in between..