Im sitting in front of my laptop, coffee in hand and puppy in lap. Its mid-September, and almost a month since I've posted here. I want to post. I think about posts. I even half-heartedly type stuff on this screen, then fail to publish. Lately, the only thoughts I've had about this blog are "I want to start over." It seems to happen like this, about this time every year. The seasons are changing, I'm slowing down and beginning to contemplate more, instead of just moving forward without over thinking it. And, inevitably, I look back and realize how very different my life is now than it was last year on this blog. I think it will confuse readers. And my lack of posts, it will seem as if I am inconsistent. People will shame me for having a blog titled "Pickle and Jam", yet there is not one single pickle, nor jam smear to be found. Heck, there aren't many posts about food at all.
This morning it dawned on me, though. As I walked my dogs, then prepared my coffee, sitting down to eat a rice cake and opening my laptop to head out into the blogosphere.. this is all teaching me something. I have spent so much time and energy looking at my past as a mistake; something I could erase and forget and become better than. What I failed to recognize was that looking back was the only way to learn. Remembering where I've been, what I've come from, that is how I will make this work. All of these posts have been my heart speaking, because that is the only time I post here, when I feel I have something to say to you. I'm just getting started at this blog thing. It may have been 3 or 4 years since the first one I started, but I'm still taking baby steps. I'm growing up and discovering what it is I am going to be, what this blog is going to be. And all of those people I think will judge me for it, that is all in my mind. Sure, there will be critics and haters. I'm here for them, too.
So, I'm not going to start over. I'm just going to begin.